The Logan Presents: How To Survive Finals Week

Final Exam

Finals Week. The week in college that sees more tears, sweat, and anger than any other week besides freshman orientation. We at The Logan want to help make sure you ace your finals and pass that class! Here are some tips to help keep your sanity in check while stuDYING (Get it? Dying?).

Stress Eat Everything You Can

  • Although the “experts” will tell you that overeating in times of stress is detrimental to your health and can create an unhealthy dependency, they’re usually just nerds in lab coats. By eating an excess of greasy and sugary foods, you can finally fill the void created by the knowledge of the fact that if you fail this test you can’t get into the business school!

Overthink Everything

  • One surefire way to get that “A” is to overthink everything! How much do I need to get on this final to pass? How much sleep would I get if I went to bed right now? Why did my father leave me? Is my boyfriend cheating on me? Am I getting fat? These are all some fun things to think about while trying to figure out supply and demand!

Don’t Forget To Exercise… Your Right To Bear Arms

  • During finals week, it’s easy to feel like you have no control over your life. Get some of that control back by carrying a firearm with you everywhere you go! With a semi-automatic rifle in your hands, that test doesn’t stand a chance!

The “Dress Well, Test Well” Philosophy

  • Many students believe in the “Dress Well, Test Well” philosophy which simply states that by dressing better, you are more likely to do well on your test. By that same logic, you can adopt the “Don’t Dress, Don’t Test” philosophy: if you show up to your test naked, you’re not going to have to take the test! Use this nifty life hack to make the most of your classes!

Remember The Importance Of Sleep

  • If being well rested has been proven to increase test scores, just imagine what a self-induced coma could do! Thanks to the wonders of science, this can be achieved with a few simple armed demands to your medical professional. Once you wake up in a few years, you’ll be ready to ace that exam. Don’t let the bedbugs bite!

Be Confident

  • Confidence can be the difference between an “A” and a “B” on an exam. You can increase your confidence in a few different ways! While one of the most popular ways to get that confidence boost is to stand over your roommate while they’re asleep and whisper “Oh, how the puny mortals need sleep. I am a God of learning” for hours, many have found success in going to the classroom early and peeing on the teacher’s desk in order to assert dominance.

Remember That Ultimately None Of This Matters

  • Realize that none of this really matters. Every second you spent studying is another second of your life you can never get back. If you die tonight, what would be the last thing you did during your limited time in existence? Study for O-Chem? We live and then we die. Nothing lasts forever. We are nothing more than flesh and bones and everything you do will eventually mean nothing.

Smile!

  • Something as simple as a smile at a stranger can make somebody’s day! Don’t be afraid to spread a little happiness!
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