Semester’s Worth Of Pain And Anguish Alleviated After Professor Brings Candy To Class


Candy
Math professor Jason Hoss generously brought various candies for students

GONZAGA UNIVERSITY, SPOKANE, WA– All hatred and loathing felt towards math professor Jason Hoss was gone in an instant on Monday after the kind and gracious professor brought a bag of assorted candies to “help students get motivated to take the final.”

“Professor Hoss had been my least favorite teacher by far. I used to lay awake at night, dreaming of punching his stupid face over and over again,” Trey Grant told reporters. “But after he told me I could have not only one, but two mini-Snickers? I’ve completely forgotten about his unfair grading system and obvious favoritism towards certain students.”

“I just wanted to treat the kids,” Hoss said of his generosity and charity. “Hopefully that will make up for the time I ripped up a kid’s test in front of the class because he brought a graphing calculator instead of a four function calculator.”

Student after student lined up to enjoy candies such as mini Twix bars, mini Snickers, and even mini Milky Ways.

“All the lost nights of sleep trying to teach myself the course, all the tears of frustration after being knocked off 20 points for forgetting a negative sign; that’s all gone,” Junior student Sarah Fulton said while enjoying a mini box of Nerd candies. “Hoss is, without a doubt, the best teacher at Gonzaga. I’m sure this isn’t a transparent attempt to bribe us into giving him a good review.”

At press time, Hoss was reportedly finishing writing the final exam, which he told students he “might even put one extra credit point” on if they behave themselves. What a guy!

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