Reports on Sunday found that, despite a loss to Duke in the Elite Eight, Gonzaga dads were 100% more likely to win a fight against Duke dads
GONZAGA UNIVERSITY, SPOKANE, WA– After months of research, scientists at Gonzaga University came to the conclusion on Sunday that, although Gonzaga’s basketball team lost to Duke 66-52 in the NCAA tournament, our dads could totally beat their dads in a fight.
Dr. Ricardo Juves, a professor of sociology at Gonzaga, told reporters that the conclusions were absolutely definitive and accurate.
“While it is true Duke may have beat us in basketball,” Juves said in his 79 page study. “It is my professional opinion, based on months of research and experiments, that our dads would totally beat [Duke’s] dads in a fight. Probably even with one hand tied behind their backs.”
Students at Gonzaga told reporters that Juves’ findings lent a certain level of comfort following the tragic loss.
“I was really upset at first,” Senior Paul Browning said through tears. “But it’s nice to know that, no matter how devastating that loss was, our dads could beat their dads’ asses if they wanted to.”
Duke researcher Dr. Carl Ross countered Dr. Juves’ bold claims, publicly stating, “Nuh-uh, our dads are way stronger.” Although the academic community briefly sided with Dr. Ross, their feelings changed once Dr. Juves brought forth new evidence that showed that Dr. Juves’ team was rubber, whereas Dr. Ross’ team was glue; a development which has led some to conclude that everything Dr. Ross said would simply bounce off of Dr. Juves and remain stuck on Dr. Ross.