Mark Few Admits He Didn’t Know There Was More Than Three Rounds of March Madness


Mark Few admitted Sunday that he thought the NCAA tournament ended after the Sweet Sixteen

HOUSTON, TX– Coming off of a tremendous win on Saturday against UCLA, Mark Few told reporters that, despite having been in the NCAA tournament for sixteen consecutive years, he had never known that there was more than three rounds of March Madness.

Few, one of the “winningest” coaches in college basketball, admitted that he had always believed the tournament ended after the Sweet Sixteen.

“To me, it was pretty simple,” Coach Few told reporters on Sunday. “The Sweet Sixteen was the name given to the winners of the tournament. We have sixteen players on this team, and also Rem Bakamus. If we win, they become the “Sweet Sixteen” and also Rem Bakamus.”

Few went on to explain the reason he had never moved on to the Elite Eight prior to this season.

“We had gotten to what I had believed was the championship a few times in my coaching career,” Few said during a post-game press conference. “And due to the Jesuit values we have here at Gonzaga, I had always told my players to show their humility and respect for the other team by allowing them to win. I had no idea the tournament went on after the third round.”

“I was always confused as to why people would say our team was overrated every year,” Few went on to say. “I figured they were always jealous of our team’s history of success. Now I get it, and boy do I feel stupid.”

When asked about Few’s plans for the rest of tournament, Few guaranteed a win.

“You didn’t really believe that I had lost all of those games because of my coaching, did you?” Few asked reporters. “We’re unstoppable. If we lose, I guarantee you it was on purpose. Had I known there was more than three rounds of the tournament, we absolutely would have continued on.”

“Now we have some catching up to do,” Few said in his concluding remarks. “We’re showing no mercy. I’ll tell my guys to throw Jesuit values aside and step on the throats of our opponents. Go Zags.”