Above: The sophomore class of 2017 has finally completed the survey of Herak Lawn after 80 years
Guest post by Doris O’Doherty
HERAK ENGINEERING BUILDING, GONZAGA UNIVERSITY, SPOKANE, WA– In a recent Morning Mail, Dr. Paul Griffin, Chair of Civil Engineering at Gonzaga University, announced that the survey of the Herak Lawn has finally been completed by this years sophomore class of 2017.
Dr. Griffin explained that the arduous project has spanned nearly the entire eighty year history of the Gonzaga School of Engineering.
“I inherited the project my first year here at Gonzaga. What seemed like a simple survey evolved into a multi-generational enterprise. Seriously, I’ve had Gonzaga alumni send their sons and daughters here in order to ‘finish the job’.”
“I’m just so blessed to be apart of this history” beamed sophomore civil engineering student Dan Korleone. “There were some tough days when, like, people would walk in the middle of the lawn so I couldn’t see or whatever. And then there were these times when my calc II professor would let us out, like, ten minutes late. But on those days, all I had to do was remind myself that there’s been, like, a million other sophomores before me that had to struggle through the grind, you know?”
As to why the project has taken this long, Dr. Griffin postulates that the reason might be due to the unseen complexity of Herak Lawn.
“When most people see the lawn, they see a square. What they don’t see is the multitude of angles in which one could tackle this problem, which is 360 [unconfirmed]. If we are to be the best civil engineering program in the nation, we need to be exhaustive.”
Korleone, however, thinks there might be another reason. “Communication is key. When we’re standing, like, two miles away from each other on either corner – I’m just spitballing that distance because I really don’t know – it’s hard to hear each other and be accurate with our measurements. My class finally fixed this problem by just rounding to the nearest meter foot and holding up that many fingers.”
Dr. Griffin refused to comment on Korleone’s unconventional data retrieval methods because he “doesn’t want to do the whole thing again.”