Party Doorman Genuinely Wants To Know Who You Know Here


Party doorman Bradley McClure likes to make party guests feel comfortable

THE LOGAN NEIGHBORHOOD, SPOKANE, WA– Reports came in Thursday that, contrary to popular belief, Senior and house party doorman Bradley McClure is genuinely interested in who partygoers know in the house in order to ensure that everyone has a good time.

McClure says that he is absolutely astounded by the negative reactions he gets when he asks partygoers his favorite question, “Who do you know here?”

“The reason I ask this question is twofold,” McClure told reporters. “First, I know that a lot of times houses get overcrowded and there’s often a wait to get in. By asking the question, I get a chance to make small talk and meet new people by first finding out who our mutual friends are.”

“Secondly,” McClure went on to say. “As the doorman of the party, it is my responsibility to ensure that everybody who comes in has a good time. By asking partygoers whom they know inside the house, I’m making sure that they won’t feel isolated or uncomfortable once they’re inside.”

McClure also says that, despite trying his best to ensure a “Safe, fun environment,” the reactions he’s gotten from fellow students have been less than positive.

“People call me a ‘Frat Wannabe Douche’ a lot,” McClure said, a tear rolling down his cheek. “I just want to make sure we all have a good time, you know?”

McClure concluded his statement by telling reporters that he had to go volunteer at an old folks’ home before proceeding to hop on his longboard and pop the collars on his two polo shirts before exiting the press conference.