Tent City Under Siege: KCB to Blame

TENT CITY, SPOKANE, WA – Despite their best efforts, the proud people of tent city are under siege. Curfews, searches, and dietary restrictions are now the reality for these nomadic peoples.

An elusive but powerful group, known only to us as the KCB, terrorizes the tenters in hopes of maintaining their power and prestige come game time.

Sarah Notingham has been living for the past 24 hours in constant fear for herself and her neighbors. “They knock on my tent every hour, and if no one is there with their papers, the KCB rips down the tent and throws it to burn on top of their space heaters. Happened to my neighbors, the poor souls.”

Tent city resident Kyle Wiltjer has shown his true colors and his loyalty amid these harsh conditions. He has been outside since the beginning, and has no plans to move.

“Yeah, actually, my name was Kyle Miller, but I thought maybe if I changed my name it could be a conversation starter, just in case I ever ran into the other Kyle Wiltjer in the Kennedy elevator.”

Bravery is rampant amid these atrocities, but the KCB continues their rampage. They are forcing everyone to eat a cold, congealed-cheese covered, pizza-like substance for every meal, which is obviously a slight to the lactose intolerant and gluten-free in the tents, especially when it is forbidden to defecate inside the city limits.

As an extra slap in the face, the leaders of the KCB will be sitting front row for the game, laughing at the poor, defrosting fools standing behind them.

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