TENT CITY, SPOKANE, WA – An email from some official lady went out to all students today informing them of new Tent City protocol. Students have predominately responded negatively to these changes, which is understandable because they’re watering it down like bad whiskey. In case the email was confusing or you have further questions, here are some of the rules that every tenter must follow to remain in the city.
1. If you start to feel “a little chilly,” you need to head inside as soon as possible. The school does not want to be responsible for sniffles or any sort of slight discomfort.
2. Don’t make any signs that are mean to the other team. It’s not good sportsmanship. The school’s policy is very clear on preserving the feelings of the opposing team.
3. The only acceptable music played on any sort of volume-enhancing device (speakers, boombox, karaoke machine) must be public domain or have the expressed written consent of the artist, producer, and artist’s mother.
4. If you even mention the word “alcohol,” you will be promptly tarred and feathered and put on display in front of Crosby.
5. If you bring food into Tent City, you need to bring enough to share with everyone. If campus security finds that you have an open bag of chips in your tent and have failed to offer it to others around you, you will be asked to vacate immediately.
6. Upon the strict lights out policy at 8:30, students in Tent City may ask for a good night song or story by Campo to help them sleep. Gonzaga does not want students to feel scared of the dark. Night-lights are also available upon request.
7. Bullying will not be tolerated. If there are any reports of people being mean, the offending student must change his green slip at the front of the tent to a yellow slip after the first offense, and then his yellow slip to red after the second. Upon receiving a red slip, they will lose their recess privileges.