Kid Passed Out With Penis Drawn On Face To Someday Own Fortune 500 Company

Blacked Out Guy

Pictured: Terry Slathers, future founder and CEO of Slathers Industries

SPOKANE, WA– Reports came in Saturday that current Gonzaga junior passed out on the couch of an unknown house in the Logan neighborhood, Terry Slathers, will later go on to found the massively successful technology company, Slathers Industries.

“Bro, you think I can shotgun this in less than two seconds?” The future multi-millionaire and Forbes cover reportedly asked, referring to the Keystone Light in his hand. “I could totally do that. Hell yeah. Check this shit.”

Reports go on to say that Slathers, currently unconscious on a couch with multiple penises drawn on his face in sharpie, will be applauded in the professional community for his shrewd business tactics and groundbreaking innovation in technological advancement.

“No dude, bro, it’s cool, I can have one more, give me one more, I’m basically sober,” the future Chief Executive Officer who will oversee more than 40,000 employees told his friend that goes by ‘C-Money’. “I’ve barely had any. Look at me, look at me right now. I’m fine. Okay? I know, no listen to me, I know you think I’m bad but I’m really good.”

Right before he finally passed out, the future owner of a Fortune 500 company hailed by his peers for his contributions in the fields of business, technology, and society in general was seen puking into a backpack.

“I swear to God, if one of you draws a dick on my face I’m gonna kill you,” The employer responsible for the creation of hundreds of thousands of jobs during the course of his 40 years of management told friends. “Seriously just let me take like a quick nap. Just like 5 minutes.”

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