Taco Bell President To Gonzaga Basketball Team: Please Stop Making 3’s

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Gonzaga guard, Gary Bell Jr., making one of the many three-point shots that has upset Taco Bell President, Thomas Gray

 IRVINE, CA– Taco Bell President, Thomas Gray, wrote a letter to the Gonzaga basketball team on Wednesday asking the players to “stop making so many three-point shots,” citing the massive hit the company has taken after deciding to become a sponsor for the team.

Taco Bell currently runs a promotion at every Gonzaga home game in which they will give one free Doritos Locos Taco to fans if the Zags hit ten or more three-point shots.

“When we partnered with the team, we seriously underestimated [their] ability to consistently hit 3’s,” Gray said in his letter to head coach Mark Few. “We’re beginning to lose a ton of money and we can’t pull out mid-season. Is there any way you could tell the players to ease up a bit?”

Gray went on to explain that he didn’t realize how much depth the team had.

“Even when you take out Pangos, Bell Jr., and Wiltjer, who lead the team in 3’s made,” Gray continued in his letter. “You still have eight other players who have made shots from beyond the three-point line. Even if you put in your bench players, they find a way to make their shots. We’re going bankrupt.”

“I mean, Przemek made one. The last person on earth that should ever make a 3, made one. Are you kidding me?”

The team has made 168 three-pointers in the season. Guard Kevin Pangos has made 50 by himself.

“I understand that there are only four more games that we have to do this stupid, nightmarish promotion,” Gray went on to say. “But with 6,000 fans and at $1.39 per taco, we end up taking a hit of $8,340 per home game. That means when (not if, when) your stupid team makes 10 3’s in your next four home games, we’re going to lose $33,360. That’s on top of the money we’ve already lost this season. What’s wrong with making nine 3’s per game, huh?”

Gray concluded his letter by claiming that he was “on [his] hands and knees begging” for the players to stop making so many three-point shots and that he wished the company “chose to sponsor Saint Mary’s College” because they “can’t hit shit.”

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