Study: 65% Of Zags “Secretly Kinda Pissed” Most Of Their Best Players Aren’t American

Non-American Zags

Non-American Gonzaga current and former players (from left): Upper Row: Kevin Pangos (Canada), Ronny Turiaf (France), Elias Harris (Germany), Domas Sabonis (Lithuania), Lower Row: Przemeck Karnowski (Poland), Kelly Olynyk (Canada), Casey Calvary (Germany), Robert Sacre (Canada)

GONZAGA UNIVERSITY, SPOKANE, WA– A recent study by the Gonzaga Student Survey Association (GSSA) reported that 65% of Gonzaga students are “secretly kinda pissed” that a large amount of the best players in recent years for the basketball team have come from outside of the United States.

The survey also found that 20% of students felt it was “damaging for the American idea of being the best nation at everything,” 8% claimed “it was harder to be a jersey chaser because of the language gap in some cases,” and 7% were “just upset because Canada is responsible for so many star players.”

“I guess I’m not really pissed,” Junior Carl Davies said of the findings. “It’s more of a frustration. I love the guys, don’t get me wrong. I just kinda wish they were American, you know?”

Most students weren’t even sure why they were upset with Gonzaga stars being from outside the country.

“I’m happy to have them on the team, I really am,” Freshman Claire Flanders told reporters. “But if they were American? Could you imagine?”

Gonzaga stars have come everywhere from Canada (Kevin Pangos, Kelly Olynyk, Robert Sacre) to Germany (Elias Harris, Casey Calvary) to France (Ronny Turiaf) to Lithuania and Poland (Domas Sabonis and Przemeck Karnowski, respectively).

“I guess you could say that the diversity and embracement of cultures on the team really lends to our reputation of being ‘America’s Team’ and represents the American values that makes our nation great,” Sophomore Doug Gladys remarked. “But I mean… Damn. Just… America, you know? I don’t know guys.”

Although feelings may be conflicted, a follow-up survey showed 99% of Zags agree, “if they keep getting wins, they don’t care where the guys come from.”