Comparisons between God and Gaels have drawn criticism from the ancient deity
THE ETERNAL KINGDOM, HEAVEN– In response to the increasingly popular unofficial slogan of Saint Mary’s College, ‘God is a Gael,’ the Good Lord released a statement Wednesday assuring the public that He wasn’t and “will never, ever be” a Gael.
“Seriously guys, I don’t know who started this rumor, but I’m shutting this down right now,” The Holy Creator said in His scathing 12-page open letter. “Remember that part in the Bible where literally anybody describes me as a Gael? No? Well neither can I.”
The motto ‘God is a Gael’ has become popular with Saint Mary’s students, and is typically used as a hashtag to conclude tweets describing a particularly big sporting win or a cancelled class.
“And even if I was a Gael, which I can’t stress enough that I’m not,” The Omnipotent Deity went on to say, “I still wouldn’t want my name to be put in a hashtag after a blurry picture of what appears to be a high school gym filled with C-level basketball players.”
The usually reserved Lord went on to claim that calling Him a Gael is “worse, so much worse, than using [His] name in vain” and that “nobody even knows what a Gael is” and that He thought “for the longest time a Gael was some kind of bird or maybe a 17th century term for a diseased person.”
The Giver of Life concluded his statement by reminding the public that He had created magnificent, wondrous things for the world, never asking for much in return. “I am not a Gael,” The Blessed Father wrote in his closing remarks, “So please stop using me to motivate the fans of a garbage basketball team.”